Jennifer Lopez's Nipple Tweaker
Earth
to be destroyed by a solar flare later today.
Sept, 2006 - Earlier this week, the largest solar flare ever recorded
was released by the sun, and headed towards Earth. The flare, made up
of superheated gas and "charged particles", is swiftly flying
like an arrow at roughly one million miles per hour, and Earth is the
Bull's eye.
It is category G-5, the strongest category scientists are capable of recording.
In addition to disrupting cell phones and satellites, it is believed
by many that this flare may also end all life on Earth, or possibly cause
the entire human population to mutate into hideous monsters.
The destruction is expected to strike the Earth at noon, EDT.
Scientists have recommended that wearing tin foil, especially over the head and vital organs may protect a lucky few. Religious leaders announced, after a lengthy press conference in Rome, that they "told us so", and recommended making peace with estranged friends and family and, perhaps, spending a little quality time with loved ones, or pets, if no loved ones are available.
Many ex-athiests have turned to "making a deal" with any Supreme Power who would listen to protect the Earth and themselves from this calamity. In that spirit, the United State's congress, both the Republican and Democratic parties, have agreed to stop disagreeing if God will step in and let the Earth live. Members of the Green party expressed that it was the fault of the Military-Industrial complex, as well as the drivers of SUV's.
No details about any potential memorials or tributes for Earth or it's inhabitants were available at presstime.
In the event that fears were exaggerated, or God did, in fact, step in and human life did not end by midnight, people are encouraged to behave as they normally would, but reminded to keep an eye open for any other apocalyptic signs.
If the Earth was indeed destroyed, we at aMyth.com would like to thank you for spending some of your last moments with us!
